I can’t front, I haven’t felt right in my own city since that day. I have lived in NYC for about 90% of my life. I lived in Harlem during the crack explosion of the 80’s. I was here in the early 90’s when we were averaging nearly 3000 murders per year. And despite that, I can’t remember being this tense walking around my city.Have them terrorist sons of bitches won? Or is Tacks just in need of therapy? Well….. therapy for something other than my porn and white woman addiction. I am not really sure. I know that NYC, and America in general, feels radically different to me. I don’t like crowds anymore. I don’t like riding the trains or buses either. I know that being stuck in traffic on a bridge in NYC makes my heartbeat race.
Some things haven’t changed. There are people making money of of the death of these people. There are tons of movies and retrospectives planned for today. I don’t know about others but I don’t have any real desire to keep reliving that day from five years ago. That day was fucked up. I have lived in NYC all my life and saw stuff that day that I never thought I would see in my city. It was surreal. Things like:
- Walking across the 59th street bridge into manhattan while everyone was leaving the city. The bridge was packed with people but it was sooooo quiet.
- The looks on peoples faces. Especially the ones covered in ash.
- The looks on the faces of the emergency workers, especially the firemen.
- The smoke cloud and the hazy glow of fire from where the towers stood.
- The lack of communication. Since nearly all land line and cellphone service was innundated and overwhelmed with people trying to locate their loved ones, local communication was basically out. I remember that the only way I was able to reach my cousin who worked in the areas hit was by AOL instant messenger.
- The smell. I still don’t know what it was that smelled so bad. Debris, smoke, burning bodies, ash….who knows. It was everywhere. That smell lasted for months.
- The day after, no one, and I mean no one was on the streets. Not one single person for almost as far as he eye could see. Those of you familiar with New York would know how unnatural that would be. There is always someone on the street. A bum, and vendor, a bunch fools just chilling on the stoop. Someone. On an island of over 8 million, no one was outside.
- Looking up in the sky and not seeing a single thing in the air except the apache helicopters and F16s patroling the skies over Manhattan.
- And the worst……the fliers on every bus stop and open wall with the faces and histories of everybody that was “missing”. That bothered me for months.
Luckily I didn’t personally lose people that in that event. However it was a day that changed me. And maybe not for the better.